Saturday, September 10, 2016

Making Easy Hard

Hey! Just when you gave up looking for that blog post in your inbox, here I am again! I probably should change my picture since that long haired hippie freak is now just a short, silver - haired hippie freak. Next time.

So, boss man aka Mike wants to retire in 5-7 years and make Fishing Friday into Fishing Everyday. Recently he bought a hole in the ocean he pours money into that he calls a boat. The name is Sea-Section for his wife Peggy, who is a delivery room nurse. Personally, I like Sea-More since his last name is Seymour. (and I secretly call him Mike Seymour, Be More, Do More) The boat and fishing will have to be another post.

Anyway, we now have a consultant to help us get to the point where Mike can retire and someone else (probably me) can run the company. Who knew????? Let's call our consultant Greg.

Consultant Greg is quite the smarmy guy. He is always trying to sell us something and he has a whole network of peeps that he thinks we should toss our work to so he can get his kickback. Quite the Circle of Life he has going on. In Greg's defense, he has helped me out by helping me define some policies, procedures and  systems I thought we needed but didn't know how to go about implementing. That's all he defense he gets.

We had 2 leadership team "Strategic Planning Sessions". Out of that, we came up with our goals and "initiatives" (fancy word for goals although Consultant Greg defines them as the way to get to the goals, whatever). Everything gets put into a big spreadsheet called the MATRIX.

Consultant Greg is all about the lingo. And being an educator for so many years, I can lingo and acronym with the best. However at MSE, we are all about KISS.

All the "initiatives" have deadline dates as well as who is responsible for them. As you imagine, my name is on about 75% of them. That's OK since I think they are important stuff to work on. High achiever that I am,  I immediately get started and form a plan. I can combine a bunch of stuff into a few systems and BAM! I knock about half of my list down.

The next meeting, Consultant Greg asks me how the MATRIX is going.

Me: Its going great. I totally simplified things and cut my list down significantly.

CG: What do you mean????? Insert whiny voice.

Me: Well, I combined a bunch of similar items into one. Since it is an OSHA rule that the crews have to do some type of stretching in the morning, and we decided  to review safety procedures and everyone thought team bonding was important, I combined those 3 items into 1 and we call it the Morning Huddle. Trainer Joe  (Mike's trainer) taught the guys the stretches, Foreman have a rotation to review 1 safety item and comments/compliments/questions/concerns (team bonding) everyday. That's the procedure. 15 minute. Done!

CG: Well,.... that's OK, I think...How do you they know what to do?

Me: It's 3 things. They are grown men. What do you mean, how do they know what to do? And  I made a checklist. WITH ALL 3 THINGS ON IT.
CG: Well... I guess that could work.... (whiny voice) What about the MATRIX?
Me: You said the MATRIX was a living document. I made it live and morph itself into something simpler that works for us.

CG: Well....I guess we could update it. How do you verify that it gets done?

Me: They say they do it.

CG: Well....how do you know?

Me: I do it with them,

CG: Well....how do you verify???

Me: What do you mean? I just said I do it with them.

CG: Everyday?

Me: No, sometimes. I don't get to work at 6 AM everyday.

CG: Again, I say, what's the verification procedure???

Me: I see them sometimes, I believe them the rest of the time. They are grown ass-men. Its stretching, safety reminders and team bonding not brain surgery.

CG: How can we record this???

Me: Well... check the box on the MATRIX that says complete and its recorded.

Me: (In my brain) Why are you making the simple hard???

More to come about Consultant Greg...

It is what is is...
Namaste


Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Got a Doctor's Note For That?

Que music
Since you've been gone.....
Oh wait, I've been gone...
Nonetheless...

At MSE Landscape Professionals, where I am now Human Resources Manager, (yup, name on the door and everything) the policy is if you don't show up for work for 3 days you have abandoned the job and we terminate you. Everyday a group text goes out to the foremen and supervisors asking if anyone is absent. Yes, I'm still taking roll. Somethings never change.

A guy, lets call him Omar, hasn't shown up for 3 days.

Day 1: I hear from the supervisor, let's call him Raul, that Omar is absent. No call.

Day 2: Omar is absent again. No call. I ask if Raul if he called Omar. He says yes. No answer.

Day 2: After hours. I get a text from Raul that Omar will be back the next day.

Day 3: Omar is absent again. I ask Raul if he heard from him. Raul says yes. I ask why he is absent again. Raul says Omar is on drugs. "Do you have proof?," I ask? "well, no", says Raul. So I ask, "what make you think that?"

This is the best part...(read this with a Spanish accent)

"Well, Marybet, (no typo, that's what I'm called now) Omar, he say, he got shot with a handgun by a chollo and he in a coma in a hospital. Marybet, I don't believe him. I ask him for the doctor note. He don't have one. That what make me think he on drugs."

Good call Raul. 'Cause lots of doctors would release someone to do a manual  labor job after being in a coma with a gunshot wound.

It Is What It Is...
Namaste